Category: Uncategorized

What’s so great about Friday?

Today is Good Friday.  It seems paradoxical that it’s called good when it must have been such a sad day.  I can see Sunday being good, but Friday?  I would probably have had a different word for that day.

Suffering, crucifixion, death – these are not words I associate with good.  Honestly, I have a hard time even reflecting on this.  As I was trying to share with the girls the story of Easter I felt myself wanting to jump past the reality of Friday, the ugly parts of pain.  I don’t want to explain death on a cross –  but without the death, how can there be resurrection?  There is no sugar coating this story.  In order to celebrate the power of resurrection we must embrace the pain of death.  No amount of peeps, sweet tarts or chocolate bunnies can cover up the pain of the cross – the weight that he carried for me.

I called Daniel.  I said, “we should probably go to all three services this Sunday and hope by the end the girls understand the Easter story.”  I just can’t tell them.

It was a mess that went something like this…

hey girls, do you know what today is?  It’s Good Friday.  Do you know why it’s Good Friday?   –  me

because we get to hide easter eggs?  –  girl

No, that’s not it.  Remember Jesus?  A long time ago {hediedonacrossbutdon’tworry} on Sunday he rose from the grave!   –  me

And the Easter Bunny came?   –  girl

Oh dear.  I failed.  I had never considered how to share the Easter story to children.  It wasn’t in my life plan. But it is now.

I have realized that I’ve spent much of my life celebrating the resurrection but skipping over the pain.  I’ve never watched the Passion of the Christ for this very reason.  To feel the weight of that pain, to see the picture of my sin carried on that cross, to imagine the hopelessness of those around him, not knowing Sunday was coming – I can’t even imagine.

To fully appreciate resurrection, life and glory we must fully experience the suffering, crucifixion and death.

Next week marks one year since we received our first placement.  One year since we embarked on probably the most painful year to date of my story.  I know my own pain pales in comparison to his.  But had we not walked through the pains of this year, the pain of our girls’ stories, the pain happening all around us, I don’t think I could fully appreciate the hope of the redemption to come.

If you had just given me three girls age three and under to keep forever, I couldn’t have appreciated it.  As a matter of fact, I would have probably been resentful.   But to have walked through this journey, growing from despair to hope, fighting for them and pouring everything I have into their lives, that changes everything.

This week has been filled with appointments, interviews, testimonies and its share of drama.  As we went to pick up the girls at the end of one day I couldn’t help but recognize how surreal this was.  I told Daniel, “they have no idea what has taken place today on their behalf – how many people have shown up to fight for them and their future.  To them it has just been another day.”    As I considered this I was simply struck by the realization of this on a spiritual level as well.  I can imagine the Trinity watching me and saying “she has no idea what has taken place today on her behalf.”

As things relate to the girls, we’re in a place of waiting.  Waiting on answers, waiting for promises to be fulfilled, waiting for redemption to their story.  We rest in knowing that God is faithful and good.  We are grateful for your prayers that carried us through the days.  We have truly seen God move in stunning ways and I have to believe he isn’t finished.

As for the cross… I’m humbled as I stand on this side of the story, celebrating resurrection and challenged to recognize the pain that was experienced for my sake.  I choose to reflect on what has taken place on my behalf, the sacrifice made, the weight of every curse upon him.  I’m forever grateful.

These are the moments.  I can’t seem to capture them quick enough.  These moments remind us why we choose to love the way we do.  This morning as I was helping the girls wake up, I snuggled up in bed next to one whose face was buried in the bedding.  “I want to see your beautiful face!”  She kept it buried.  When I moved on to something else I heard her little voice, “Mom, I want to show you my beautiful face!”  So I came close and she lifted her head, her hair covered her face but I could see her smile.

Every day has something new.  Baby girl is growing up so quickly and developing such a personality, I can’t even take it all in.  Her sweet laugh is addicting.  We always want more of it.  Her attitude, well, that’s a different story.  We’re trying to tame that at the moment.  She’s fearless.  She wants to be just like her sisters and does not believe us when we tell her she can’t do everything they do.

When we walk out of the house in the morning, she makes a dash for the neighbor’s sprinklers.  Why not start your day with a splash?!  It takes all of us to hold her back, but I laugh every time.  She is determined to jump in.

I have to choose some days to be fully present, not be rushed by the clock or a schedule but stop and be intentional.  Mom, can I sit in your lap?  Mom, after school can we maybe go somewhere fun, like a park?  Mom, will you read me a book?  I remind myself that one day I will wish for these moments.

They have such an excitement about them and they relish being loved.  I love to celebrate the good things.  When Prissy is getting dressed, she doesn’t want me to see her until she’s completely finished so I can ooh and aaah over the final result.  “Daddy will say I am toooo cuuute!”   Or when Sissy finishes brushing her teeth and having her hair fixed, she says “I’m a superstar!”

We got a “dear parents” note from school the other day asking us to make sure the girls have on shorts or bloomers under their dress so they aren’t tempted to show everyone their panties.  “we’re trying to teach modesty”   Good luck friends!  I try to teach that every day.  You’re lucky they have panties on.  Dear Jesus help us.

Help us.  That’s my prayer every day.  Help us to live each moment to the fullest, celebrate the good and overcome the bad.  Help us with the things we cannot understand.  Help us with the pain that we can’t control.  Help us with the needs that are before us.  Help us love well.

When we first received the dream and I asked my sister for prayer, she was led to the scripture in Isaiah, 41:13 For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. 

This week I was reminded of these scriptures and others nearby, I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

As I watch our girls navigate life and all the ways that we are privileged to “help” them I imagine the Father that watches me navigating life – and his willingness to help me knows no end.  How often am I trying to conquer life on my own?  What does it look like to trust in his strength and help?

When he called us into this path he didn’t expect us to walk alone.  He clearly spoke of his intentions to help and uphold.  It is up to me to wait for it, to expect it, to embrace it.

If nothing else, the past year has given me a greater understanding into the father-heart of God.  It is beautiful.  He delights in his children and he loves to watch us grow.  Even when we are silly… he smiles.  He longs to be a part of our lives and walk with us through the good and the bad.

How do you view God?  What would it look like to expect his help, his faithfulness, his righteous right hand?  I keep returning to the photo above.  I imagine a loving father, holding my hand and saying do not fear, I am with you and I will help you.  I will not let you fall.  I am good and I love you dearly. 

Friends, do not fear the path God is calling you to.  He is beyond faithful.  He is loving and he wants to be a part of the journey, offering his strength and his help.

Sometimes his help looks like the grace to survive a kid’s tantrum without losing your cool.  Or help looks like a therapist that patiently works with you to incorporate safety and security into a life marked by trauma.  Help may look like financial provision just in the nick of time.  I feel like I’m on a treasure hunt to see how God will help me next.

Your love and support are a provision of God’s help to us.  Thank you for your being a part of his goodness, his glory.  We are praying for this next week and specifically Tuesday.  Please stand with us. We are trusting for big things, many big things.  I can’t wait to see how he moves.  Get excited!

Much Love!

Some days I find myself longing for hope.

Life is heavy.  As I came before the Lord today I was invited to bring my fears, cares and worries to Him – lay them at His feet.  It felt like I was carrying a load of worries, frustrations and fear.  There are too many what-ifs to count but I dumped them at the feet of the One who knows.

My tears come quickly, I feel tender and weak.  I sat this morning across the table from the girls’ therapist and the tears sneaked their way out.  I felt silly.  I felt undone.  I felt messy.  I don’t cry pretty.

There seems to be so many things going on in and around me of which I have no control, merely hope of an outcome that meets my desires.  As much as I try to avoid pain, I even more try to keep others from experiencing pain.  I am number 3 of 4 children.  I love each of my siblings deeply.  I cannot even express the depths of that love.  So when I perceive that one is at risk of pain, it is almost unbearable for me.

When I was younger, I remember if my little brother was sick then I undoubtedly became sick with sympathy – it was probably mental.  But even now, if I hear that he is sick I feel it in myself.  It’s crazy.  We are twins born 14 months apart. 😉  I’m pretty sure I picked him out in the womb and told him to wait just a minute – he was up next.

This week has been hard for him (and his beautiful wife) as they faced [what seemed like] devastating news.  Immediately God provided people to speak truth and hope into their situation.  As I considered their pain I was overwhelmed, physically trembling and seeking the Lord.  As I prayed I was reminded of God’s promise in Jeremiah of a Hope & a Future.

Hope is defined as the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.     – I longed for hope.

I find myself longing for hope – hope for them, hope for my girls, hope for me… God give us hope.  There are many uncertainties in life and we are walking a path that is filled with them.  It’s hard sometimes to even know what to hope for.  As I have prayed hope into these situations my brother shared that I seem so strong and fragile at the same time.  He hopes my heart can handle this.  Well… I think he’s right on.  I feel fragile and the more I allow myself to feel, the more fragile I become, but shutting down and denying the pain that is around me is not fully living.  It is when I come to these places of weakness that I am better able to see God.  Show me your Glory; let your goodness pass before me, right before my eyes.

“In weakness I rise, remembering you hold my world.

I’m holding on to hope, I’m holding on to grace.

I’m fully letting go, I’m surrendered to your ways.

….  I will remember your promise forever…     – Anchor, Bethel Music & Leah Mari

I am given courage as I begin to reflect on God’s past faithfulness, his goodness and the hope that is to come.  My heart longs for life to be easy, calm and lovely – but it is a glorious mess.

I pray for hope. I pray for grace. I pray that in the midst of pain we see God.  As I hold our girls, I claim the promise of a hope and a future for them.  I believe God is writing a good story for them.   When I pray for my brother and the challenges he faces, I hold on to hope – knowing that God is bigger.  Sometimes our job is simply to hold hope for someone else.

Romans 4:18  Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed…  (21) fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.   (go read this chapter)

I have to believe God honors hope.  I plan to do a further study on this because God knows we need it 🙂  You friends, give me hope.  Thank you for standing in the gap – even when you don’t realize that’s what you are doing.

Hope stands renewed.