In the process, in the waiting,
You’re making melodies over me.
And your presence is the promise,
For I am a pilgrim on a journey.
– Bethel Music –
Life isn’t about the destination, it’s about the journey.
Find peace in the process.
Let me find one-more-quote on waiting.
I don’t like to wait. Once I make my mind up about something, I want it then. Or yesterday.
But here I am. Stuck somewhere between the yes and amen. Our case worker nonchalantly told me “we’re kind of at a stand-still”. Well friend, I don’t like to stand-still. Let’s get this thing moving. I have places to go, people to see, stories to tell and by-Jesus a party needs to happen. Where’s my oil!?! Give me some stress-away or joy… something to calm this girl down.
I started out strong. I have been in a place of rest, trusting, just like I’m supposed to. After one week I started to think, Ok… I’m ready for answers. But they never came.
Week two, a little bit harder, but still fairly strong. Pressing into God a little more. Using oil a little more. Let’s take it one day at a time.
Week three… I’m starting to crack. My oil is leaking. I snapped at my husband because he woke the baby. The struggle is real. I want some closure. I want to know where we’re going and how fast we can get there. I want what I want when I want it.
I want… But Jesus says wait. I feel my 3-year-old-tantrum-throwing-self stomping my feet.
I prayed the other night, wondering if I had done all I could do. Jesus, did I pray enough? Have I believed enough? Have I held hope hard enough? Are you trying to correct me for something I don’t see? Why isn’t anything happening?
I simply sensed the Lord saying “my goodness does not depend on your goodness.”
That’s pretty humbling. Not only humbling but relieving. God knows my heart, he knows my desires, he knows my good and my bad… those things do not change that he is inherently good and will be good to me.
Two days ago as I brought my struggle to the Lord again. Jesus, I believe, help my unbelief. The scripture I’ve been studying in Isaiah had new meaning.
Do not be afraid, I am here. Do not lose heart. I am still God.
I will strengthen you and help you. …
Do not lose heart. Do not give up. Do not get weary. My strength is yours. I have what you need. I will help you. It’s like a pep-talk. I’m reminded of his presence, his promise and his faithfulness.
So we stay in this place of uncertainty, clinging to the words of the Father, trusting his goodness and hoping for forever. There’s obviously something God is after in this process. I have to believe it is purposeful.
As you remember us, please pray for peace. The place of lingering is unsettling for the girls. They cannot comprehend the big picture or reconcile the push-pull of emotions as things are in the between. Pray for wisdom for those making decisions. Pray for favor and protection.
I know we’ll get through the waiting. And I hear the echo of a little 3-year-old girl saying “I’m so proud of you mommy. You get a jelly bean.” Maybe, just maybe, I will hear the voice of the Father that says, well done. you waited well … enough. 🙂