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Holding on to hope…

Some days I find myself longing for hope.

Life is heavy.  As I came before the Lord today I was invited to bring my fears, cares and worries to Him – lay them at His feet.  It felt like I was carrying a load of worries, frustrations and fear.  There are too many what-ifs to count but I dumped them at the feet of the One who knows.

My tears come quickly, I feel tender and weak.  I sat this morning across the table from the girls’ therapist and the tears sneaked their way out.  I felt silly.  I felt undone.  I felt messy.  I don’t cry pretty.

There seems to be so many things going on in and around me of which I have no control, merely hope of an outcome that meets my desires.  As much as I try to avoid pain, I even more try to keep others from experiencing pain.  I am number 3 of 4 children.  I love each of my siblings deeply.  I cannot even express the depths of that love.  So when I perceive that one is at risk of pain, it is almost unbearable for me.

When I was younger, I remember if my little brother was sick then I undoubtedly became sick with sympathy – it was probably mental.  But even now, if I hear that he is sick I feel it in myself.  It’s crazy.  We are twins born 14 months apart. 😉  I’m pretty sure I picked him out in the womb and told him to wait just a minute – he was up next.

This week has been hard for him (and his beautiful wife) as they faced [what seemed like] devastating news.  Immediately God provided people to speak truth and hope into their situation.  As I considered their pain I was overwhelmed, physically trembling and seeking the Lord.  As I prayed I was reminded of God’s promise in Jeremiah of a Hope & a Future.

Hope is defined as the feeling that what is wanted can be had or that events will turn out for the best.     – I longed for hope.

I find myself longing for hope – hope for them, hope for my girls, hope for me… God give us hope.  There are many uncertainties in life and we are walking a path that is filled with them.  It’s hard sometimes to even know what to hope for.  As I have prayed hope into these situations my brother shared that I seem so strong and fragile at the same time.  He hopes my heart can handle this.  Well… I think he’s right on.  I feel fragile and the more I allow myself to feel, the more fragile I become, but shutting down and denying the pain that is around me is not fully living.  It is when I come to these places of weakness that I am better able to see God.  Show me your Glory; let your goodness pass before me, right before my eyes.

“In weakness I rise, remembering you hold my world.

I’m holding on to hope, I’m holding on to grace.

I’m fully letting go, I’m surrendered to your ways.

….  I will remember your promise forever…     – Anchor, Bethel Music & Leah Mari

I am given courage as I begin to reflect on God’s past faithfulness, his goodness and the hope that is to come.  My heart longs for life to be easy, calm and lovely – but it is a glorious mess.

I pray for hope. I pray for grace. I pray that in the midst of pain we see God.  As I hold our girls, I claim the promise of a hope and a future for them.  I believe God is writing a good story for them.   When I pray for my brother and the challenges he faces, I hold on to hope – knowing that God is bigger.  Sometimes our job is simply to hold hope for someone else.

Romans 4:18  Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed…  (21) fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.   (go read this chapter)

I have to believe God honors hope.  I plan to do a further study on this because God knows we need it 🙂  You friends, give me hope.  Thank you for standing in the gap – even when you don’t realize that’s what you are doing.

Hope stands renewed.

3 thoughts on “Holding on to hope…”

  1. Abby, during a particularly frustrating time in my life God showed me that hope is not something we can muster up. Hope is contagious . It’s like a cherry pie that bubbles over into the casserole beneath it. My prayer is that all of us can be the cherry pie for you. What you do is selfless regardless of how selfish you may feel sometimes. It’s holy, regardless of how unholy you think you are. And it’s inspiring even when you need inspiration. You are bubbling hope into those girls and all the people connected to them.
    May God bless and honor you the way you honor him.

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  2. Thankfully God does not call us to be perfect, strong, always making right decisions….he calls us to love Him, focus on His love for us, trust him in the process and He will “make our paths straight”…..you CAN do this because God upholds us….be encouraged !!!!!!

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