…still know His name…
My heart sings this song and reminds the rest of me that it is well.
So let go my soul and trust in Him – the waves and wind still know His name.
There is much stirring in my heart. Unsettledness. Uncertainty. Hopelessness yet in the very next breath, hope. That’s the glory of our story, there’s always hope in His goodness, His faithfulness and His promise.
The past month has looked a lot like a pressure cooker… the heat has been turned up and I am just about done. As a recovering control freak I have a lot to learn about surrender but God is graciously giving me room to grow.
We survived moving and we are now getting settled into our temporary living place, which is much smaller than our home was. This has been our own adventure in what I call “tiny house living”. Now, I realize it is all a matter of perspective… and since I am the one writing we’re gonna go with my perspective. Don’t get me wrong, this is the perfect spot for a one-week vacation, with a beautiful beach and a bed for every head. But living, breathing, working and sleeping all in this little nest has been a bit more challenging than I imagined.
It has been hard for me to write because quite honestly, I haven’t had anything nice to say. I have longed to write something inspiring in support of National Adoption Month (November) but in the middle of my chaos I have questioned if I can even muster up an ounce of inspiration. I have felt more like a boiling frog trying to convince others that the water’s nice. The truth is, the water is so stinkin’ hot! I’ve wanted to jump out of this pot many-a-day in the past few weeks. Parenting is hard. period. This is not my shining moment.
As I sat on my balcony last week, desperate for the voice of God, crying out in somewhat of a hopeless place and asking, Dear Lord – where are you!?! – my heart found its voice again.
I have a love/ hate relationship with water. I love to see it in all its splendor, but I hate to get in it. That day on the balcony reminded me of God’s invitation 2 years ago to step into the waves and trust His purposes. The song in my heart reminded me that He is in control, especially when I am not.
I am in a small group (that I never get to go to anymore) but never-the-less the lesson that week was on worship and surrender. It led me to a story from the prophet Ezekiel and a vision he had in chapter 47. In the vision the temple has water flowing out from under the threshold… the man took him out and measured the water… first it was ankle deep, then further it was knee deep, then waist deep, then it was a river that I could not ford, for the water had risen, enough water to swim in… (emphasis mine)
The study points out that the river symbolizes the presence of God. As we give up control to God, we will begin to experience His presence. Some of us are content to be ankle deep, some like knee deep and some will even venture out to waist deep, but God – he’s inviting us into the river. In the river is where we surrender control and go where He goes.
As I re-read this scripture in the Message I was struck by the wording, wherever the river flows, life will flourish; where the river flows, life abounds. I struggle, every day, with surrender. This surrender to a season of what feels like homelessness has wrecked me. I have no control. But God’s promise is that in surrender, in the river, life will flourish. Where the river flows, life abounds. Where I have been wrestling the current at waist-deep, I can find rest in deeper water. If I would just stop fighting.
As I was praying I sensed the Lord say, today the tides are turning. As a die-hard Auburn fan, you can be sure I didn’t make that one up. I wrote that one down as I prayed for our country. I marked the date, so I can come back and remember this moment where I recognize the growing need for my own surrender, to ride the river and remember the day that the tides turned.
I have believed this year for God’s abundance. He has blown my mind with His goodness. That day I saw his promise of provision come through in ways greater than I had expected. I shared with Daniel and he just laughed… let out a deep breath and said, I can’t help but trust him for all that’s before us. When he moves like this in areas we didn’t even know we needed, how can we not expect him to come through in everything else?
There is still a lot going on. We still are trusting for his provision of our new house that finally has walls. 🙂 Our nation is at a turning point and it’s time for believers to offer hope, speak love and invite peace, not stir the pot of hate and division. When I am tempted to be overwhelmed by these things and the simple day-to-day life of a mom / wife / employee / friend… I step outside, take a look at the water and remember… the waves and wind still know his name. It is well with my soul.