Knocking on Heaven’s door

Humbled we come, inviting you again to join with us in prayer.  You are our people.  But more importantly, you are God’s people and we need you to stand with us in prayer.

Two nights ago I sat in the bathroom crying fiercely in the middle of the night feeling disheartened, discouraged and at a loss for what to do.  My sweet husband found me crying, comforted and encouraged me to not give up.  Despite the words coming out of my mouth, I wasn’t really considering giving up.  What I was really feeling was a sense of failure at being this mom and meeting the emotional needs of children with trauma.

We were in our second night of a mid-night battle with terrors that lasted nothing short of two hours each time.  It is hard to maintain a sense of calm and care when you are exhausted and emotionally drained.  I could tell that every ounce of security she had built in the past six months had been unraveled.  It felt like we were back at square one… and I felt hopeless.

My head was spinning as I considered all the ways in the past four weeks I have seen the progress we’ve made slipping through our fingers.  Night terrors, tantrums, intentionally wet pants, chasing me down the hall at daycare, hitting, kicking and screaming – these are not our girls.  This is not what we have fought for. Where had I let the guard down?  Am I not protecting them enough?  How am I supposed to protect them from a system that was built to protect them but feels as though the child is less than the highest priority?

I pray.  I pray hard.  I repent for my own fallenness and the ways I have contributed to their insecurity and trust that God can restore that which was lost.  I have to trust that even when everything within me wants to fight against them going to visits that God is with them, protecting them better than I can.

Friends, we are praying earnestly in the next four days for a significant move.  If we cross your mind, if you see our picture, if we randomly appear in your dreams, will you please pray with us?  I’m not praying from a place of fear, so please know I am trusting God deeply.  We are praying from a place of confidence in knowing that God is writing this story and we want to be in his purposes.

If my people, who are called by name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then I will hear from heaven, and I will forgive their sin and will heal their land.  2 Chron. 7:14

I cannot adequately express how much you each mean to us.  Your words of encouragement, support and prayers have been a tremendous blessing.  If I could hug each of you, I would.  I am in awe of how God is moving in our lives.  I am given courage even by a teacher who fully believes God brought her to this place specifically for our girls.  There are people that I don’t even know covering our case with prayer, and I am moved to tears as I consider God’s goodness in providing such love in our lives.  One day, we’re gonna have a party. 😉