This is my story

I’m not a big fan of writing… never have been.  I hated writing projects when I was in school – it was pure torture. My sister, she’s a writer. My brother, he’s a dreamer.  Me, I’m just a girl… with a heart full of songs.  {I’m not a singer either.}

When my world got flipped upside down I had to start writing.  It was a way for me to process all the thoughts and emotions swirling inside of me.  It was also a way for me to share with others who wanted to be a part of what God is doing in our lives… so I started this storyofagirl.  I didn’t start it with a stated mission, a plan or even a goal.  I pretty much started it out of desperation and as a cry for help.  As it has evolved, I am so grateful that I have one place where I can return and remember all the incredible things God has done in my story over the past 19 months.

But this part of my story doesn’t define me… it has undeniably refined me… but I feel the stirring in my heart that there will be more.

As I entered into worship yesterday an old familiar tune filled the air

This is my story, this is my song; praising my savior all the day long…

– Blessed Assurance, Frances Crosby

I sang all the words to this beautiful song and felt the longing in my heart that this is what my story is really all about.  At the end of this life, at the end of this season, at the end of it all, I want my story to be known that “she loved Jesus”.

How that manifests itself in my life each day will be different.  Right now, it looks like a crazy girl that said yes to God’s invitation to make a difference in the lives of 3 little girls.  I’m hopeful that one-day-soon it will include adoption and a sense of forever.  I have to continue holding that hope with an open hand and believing that even if it all falls apart, my story and song will still be praise.

Last week I spent time reflecting on this season of my life.  It has undoubtedly been one of the hardest things I’ve ever faced but it has also been filled with more growth, more depth and more dependence than I’ve ever known.

I pondered the question, “What has God been for me in my current circumstance that he could not be in my previous circumstances?”     My answer is HOPE.  It has been a journey of uncovering, undoing and discovering what it truly means to say my hope is built on nothing less than Jesus’ blood and righteousness.  

Believing as the Psalmist wrote “I will not fear, even though the earth gives way and the mountains quake… for He says “Be still and know I am God”.” (Psalm 46)

Or as Abraham, against all hope, in hope believed…without wavering through unbelief regarding the promise of God, but was strengthened in faith and gave glory to God. (Romans 4)

These are the things I hold on to.  These are the reminders that my hope cannot be in the outcome, it has to be in the truth that no matter what comes, He is good.  Then I can trust that my heart is safe.

Friends, next week is a big week. People are planning and preparing to fight for the safety of our girls.  In some ways it’s just a formality but in other ways it’s a major hurdle.  There is still this sense of risk and uncertainty.  Please consider praying for us, for the legal team and all who are involved in our case.  Pray for divine wisdom, discernment and truth to be revealed… and ultimately for God’s purposes to be known.

I have lived enough to know that God allows in His wisdom what He could easily prevent by His power.  So I must trust that even if things don’t go as I want, His purposes are greater than mine.

As I read this, it seems like I’m giving myself a pep-talk in preparation for what’s to come.  I’ll probably have to revisit this a lot over the next 10 days, and longer as we wait for answers.

Thank you for your love. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for the ways you walk through life with us and laugh with us and laugh at us. 🙂  Who would have ever thought we’d be here?