Some days I find myself longing for hope.
Life is heavy. As I came before the Lord today I was invited to bring my fears, cares and worries to Him – lay them at His feet. It felt like I was carrying a load of worries, frustrations and fear. There are too many what-ifs to count but I dumped them at the feet of the One who knows.
My tears come quickly, I feel tender and weak. I sat this morning across the table from the girls’ therapist and the tears sneaked their way out. I felt silly. I felt undone. I felt messy. I don’t cry pretty.
There seems to be so many things going on in and around me of which I have no control, merely hope of an outcome that meets my desires. As much as I try to avoid pain, I even more try to keep others from experiencing pain. I am number 3 of 4 children. I love each of my siblings deeply. I cannot even express the depths of that love. So when I perceive that one is at risk of pain, it is almost unbearable for me.
When I was younger, I remember if my little brother was sick then I undoubtedly became sick with sympathy – it was probably mental. But even now, if I hear that he is sick I feel it in myself. It’s crazy. We are twins born 14 months apart. 😉 I’m pretty sure I picked him out in the womb and told him to wait just a minute – he was up next.
This week has been hard for him (and his beautiful wife) as they faced [what seemed like] devastating news. Immediately God provided people to speak truth and hope into their situation. As I considered their pain I was overwhelmed, physically trembling and seeking the Lord. As I prayed I was reminded of God’s promise in Jeremiah of a Hope & a Future.
Hope is defined as. – I longed for hope.
I find myself longing for hope – hope for them, hope for my girls, hope for me… God give us hope. There are many uncertainties in life and we are walking a path that is filled with them. It’s hard sometimes to even know what to hope for. As I have prayed hope into these situations my brother shared that I seem so strong and fragile at the same time. He hopes my heart can handle this. Well… I think he’s right on. I feel fragile and the more I allow myself to feel, the more fragile I become, but shutting down and denying the pain that is around me is not fully living. It is when I come to these places of weakness that I am better able to see God. Show me your Glory; let your goodness pass before me, right before my eyes.
“In weakness I rise, remembering you hold my world.
I’m holding on to hope, I’m holding on to grace.
I’m fully letting go, I’m surrendered to your ways.
…. I will remember your promise forever… – Anchor, Bethel Music & Leah Mari
I am given courage as I begin to reflect on God’s past faithfulness, his goodness and the hope that is to come. My heart longs for life to be easy, calm and lovely – but it is a glorious mess.
I pray for hope. I pray for grace. I pray that in the midst of pain we see God. As I hold our girls, I claim the promise of a hope and a future for them. I believe God is writing a good story for them. When I pray for my brother and the challenges he faces, I hold on to hope – knowing that God is bigger. Sometimes our job is simply to hold hope for someone else.
Romans 4:18 Against all hope, Abraham in hope believed… (21) fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised. (go read this chapter)
I have to believe God honors hope. I plan to do a further study on this because God knows we need it 🙂 You friends, give me hope. Thank you for standing in the gap – even when you don’t realize that’s what you are doing.
Hope stands renewed.