Few things in life leave me speechless. We could probably count on one hand how many times that has happened.
You know, as a childless couple we lived a pretty comfortable life. Things were turned upside down when God brought us three little girls. Part of my struggle in knowing if we should adopt or not was questioning how we will ever be able to afford raising 3 kids and everything that entails.
We are in the process of building a house that we believe will better accommodate our new family. In the meantime, we need to sell our current little love nest. The timing of the two needs to be nearly perfect… and I long for control. Yet, God has invited me into a new level of trust.
During a day of prayer a few weeks ago I sensed the Lord giving me the word “abundance” and I began to practice believing for his abundance in our lives and not just his provision. My last two blogs were pictures of his work in my heart as I am seeking to see his goodness. I spent three days praying show me your glory. I have been praying over a specific need for a few weeks, asking God for his abundance and to reveal himself in a way that I would never doubt was him.
I was hoping to see his provision before we needed to make a significant payment but I sensed he was asking me to step out in faith and trust that his provision would come. I wrote my post on Wednesday and then took a big step.
Later that day we picked up the girls and went to our Chiropractor. These people, man… they love us more than we deserve. I had just shared with them by phone that morning that we had finalized adoption and when we walked into that office you would have thought we were movie stars. We were met with such excitement and celebration, hugs and kisses… joy enveloped us. It feels like home there. They’ve known us almost 3 years, we started going immediately after a car accident. They have seen us grow from just the 2 of us to a party of 5 in what felt like the blink of an eye. They have loved our girls like no other. So much patience, such kindness and undeserved love.
Even with all their goodness, I tend to stress out at the chiropractor’s office. If it weren’t for our family that place would be the picture of peaceful. But my family, we’re like a freakin’ tornado… I feel certain there’s a warning that goes out when they see us pull into the parking lot. “Brace yourselves!” When it’s our turn to see the doctor, we go in this small changing room that I am pretty sure sounds like someone is being murdered as we try to dress three little people and keep them contained until we’re called.
We step in and with as much excitement as three little girls can have they share the news that “we’ve been adopted! and my new name is…!” We go through all the checks and balances, every little one is serviced and we’re moving on out. I get them all buckled into the car when daddy tells me I need to go back in and talk to the doctor.
Somewhat confused I walk back into our exam room where I am met by our doctor friend and it goes something like this
We really love you guys and are so excited for you and the girls. We have a patient that saw you in the office a while back and asked me about you. So I told them your story, how you went from zero to three kids and … (it’s all really a blur)… but this guy just couldn’t believe that someone would do what you’ve done. He has been waiting for your adoption to finalize over the past year and he wanted me to tell you that he is setting up college savings accounts and would like to fund them for each of your girls……………………..
Shut the front door!
Let me pause here while you pick your jaw off the floor. Wipe those tears friends.
God just showed up.
My head was spinning. I could not speak. All I could do was say, what do you mean? Who are you talking about? Why would someone do something like this?
They don’t want us to know who they are. They just want to play a part in this story. They have been waiting to make sure that we got to keep the girls, but it has been on their heart for months. And I don’t even know their names. But God does.
Y’all, I am humbled. I am blown away by God’s goodness. I prayed for 3 days that God would show me his glory, and he just showed off. All I could think while Dr. P. was talking to me was, you have got to be kidding me. This cannot be real. God just blew my mind.
I cried all the way home. Have you ever tried to explain to 2 and 4 yr olds there is such a thing as happy tears? I seriously cannot find words to express what I have felt the past 2 days as I have reflected on God’s faithfulness.
Earlier that morning my sister shared from Psalm 27, so I spent some time in this passage. As I reached the end of the chapter I resonated with the psalmist when he said
I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the Lord. (Psalm 27:13-14)
I was given courage that morning as I faced what felt big, then chose to step out in faith that I would see the goodness of the Lord. It’s almost as if he was just waiting for me to believe.
I know this is long… and some of you are ready to kill me for leaving you hanging Wednesday night. It has taken me a little time to sort out the reality of this gift and I wanted to share in a way that is honoring, appropriate and gives God the glory. I can’t comprehend what God is up to, or what stirred this couple to bless us in the way that they have.
I try not to get caught up in the prosperity gospel, or name-it-and-claim-it goodness. I hope you hear my heart when I say that I have simply asked God to be all that he says he wants to be for me. My faith has been challenged almost daily for the past two years. I have reached new depths of what it means to truly trust that no matter what comes, his heart is good. I have had to believe that he will not lead me where his hand will not provide and in the depths of my being face the question I have carried nearly all my life, am I really worth it?
I have spent weeks waiting for the wind, bracing for the quake, watching for the fire, but as I lay my head down to rest I hear his gentle whisper say, I see you.