Seriously, I cannot help but laugh at myself when I look back one year at what my life looked like compared to where we are today. When I take a minute to really give it some thought, it is crazy. I thought I’d share some of that funny with you.
So, February 2014 we were just completing our licensing, mildly anticipating the possibility of one day having a child come live with us, naively thinking, how hard can this be?
Bahahaha! If I had only known, I assure you I would have run the other way. But God in his infinite wisdom let me walk into the deep without knowing much better.
Google… my best friend and worst enemy. For most new parents, you had 8-9 months to prepare for that first bundle of joy. You had the opportunity to read What to expect when you’re expecting and all those other mommy/daddy books. You have an idea of what babies are supposed to do and how you want to parent. Yeah, we had no real idea. I depend on Google a lot… unfortunately, as with all things Google… everything turns out to be cancer. Damn you Google!
In my determination to cure cancer I have discovered essential oils. Yep, I confess, I’m one of those crazy oil ladies. When you have two 2 year olds show up and immediately discover they don’t sleep through the night – judge me then. I promise you will try every possible option to bring your much loved sleep back! I dove in head first to the oily world. Especially since we don’t have a doctor willing to see these girlies, my determination to try all things preventative has been magnified.
Pinterest – I am certain this may have come from hell. Who in the world has time to do that stuff?!?! It looks so pretty but I get exhausted just reading the instructions. Seriously, pinterest almost makes me cuss. Baby girl recently turned 1… pinterest sent me on a dramatic spiral into mommy-guilt. For a brief moment I had dreams of an elaborate, Winter Onederland birthday celebration complete with a hot-chocolate bar, snow covered marshmallows, snowflake cookie goodies, pendant banners and so much more to celebrate her one year. Then I realized it was the devil painting those pictures and I was able to pray through that horrible idea, release those demons and give myself a break. Jesus said, just give her a smash-cake and wrap some presents. Celebrate survival! amen.
Boogie wipes… have you ever heard of these? They are amazing. They smell incredible and they make snotty noses look pretty again. I have them everywhere. Seriously, everywhere. Sometimes, I accidentally wipe my counters with them. Yeah, maybe not so accidentally. It works friends. Get-you-some.
Diaper Genie? Must.have. Poop stinks. I mean, majorly. If you are even considering having a baby, go ahead and get you one of these. It saves my life. You should probably get one of those guys that comes in twice a week and empties it too. He’s my hero.
Jamberry nails. Period. If you haven’t heard of these yet, google them. Better yet, ask me how to reach my friend Katermellon to get in on this thing. It makes your nails look effortlessly beautiful. It takes a little bit of time but it can brighten your day. However, do not, under any circumstances attempt to put these on 3 year old girls. I had a root-canal that was more fun. This is torture for both you, the girls and anyone else in the house during the 2 hours you attempt to make this work. Trust me. Jamberries are for mommies and big girls. I’ll give the girls another try in 10 years.
Daycare – they are my best friends. They kindly tell me all the things I should be doing and expecting and they are one of the greatest parts of our team. On the other hand, they are also our biggest source for germs. I love them anyway.
One day, our daycare lady told me baby-girl is almost always constipated. I looked at her and said “hey, it works for us.” They suggested giving her prune juice. Not on my watch. I’ve heard what prune juice does. You give her prune juice. She’s not even crying. Her diapers are hardly even dirty. Let’s see how long this can go. {Don’t you judge me} Then I found out – there’s an oil for that! So of course, I gave it a shot. Well, 10 poopy diapers later (in one day) I cursed the oil, blessed the diaper genie and vowed to serve yogurt every day. I’m learning.
To vaccinate or not to vaccinate – that is the question. Well, it’s not really a question for us – we aren’t given an option. My question is – how do you vaccinate against the vaccination location? Of course, you have a 30 minute wait in the lobby with no toys whatsoever and you’re supposed to keep a kid from touching every-single-thing or person that walks in the door? This was like the worst day ever. Then, you have to watch as they are stabbed multiple times with a needle, their face turns bright red and tears stream as they look and wonder why in the world this just happened. break.my.heart. I dread the day I have to go back and do this.
And WIC – this is a monster. The girls get benefits just by nature of the system, but it requires a 4-year degree to navigate the benefits. If you have multiple children, they each have their own card. If you ever want to gain evil stares at a grocery store, split your purchase up into 3 separate transactions, stumble through the payment process and try not to explain why you are using both WIC benefits and buying alcohol in the same breath. Don’t judge me. Spend 3 days in our shoes and tell me you don’t need a drink.
So, this is just a brief glimpse into my journey of knowledge over the past year. I am in awe of all you people that have parented for years and lived to tell about it. Also, for those of you that parented without all these modern conveniences – bless you. To my mom, you were a trooper. I would not have judged you if you stopped with 2 kids… but thanks for letting me and Drew stay. When things get crazy, I laugh knowing, there’s an oil for that too. 🙂
Love.Does.
storyofagirl 