My Story

What Dreams May Come

girls at bay

These are the things dreams are made of.  Dreams I never knew I had.  I have only begun to discover the deeper desires of love, protection and purpose turning into dreams of this life filled with giggles and pink.  I’m in over my head, no doubt.  This picture captures our current dream in many ways.

Friends that have known me forever are trying to grasp where this all came from.  Who am I?  What happened to the girl that said she wasn’t having children?  honey, I feel ya!  My head is spinning too.  There are days that I still wonder what happened.

I can trace it back to three things…

Have you ever seen the movie Despicable Me?  I remember watching this with Daniel some 4 or 5 years ago.  When the three little girls walk into Miss Hattie’s House for Girls (orphanage), approach her desk and the little one asks “Did anyone come to adopt us today?”    Yep, that moment caught my heart.  Sure, it’s an animated movie but deep down I heard the cry of the orphan that longs to belong.  God clearly used this to begin stirring my heart.  I was reminded of the call of believers to look after orphans and widows.

The second thing?  I have a dear friend –  I can’t call her my best friend because she didn’t come to my wedding – but she is dear none-the-less.   {That’s an inside joke}  She experienced incredible pain in her life and as she has shared parts of her own story with me I found myself asking, why wasn’t she protected?  What would life look like if she had known that she was worth protecting?  She had a loving mother and father, don’t get me wrong, but life was hard and pain was real.  Her story stirred in me an intense desire to protect the innocence of children who are so often victims of circumstances that they cannot control.  To swoop in and rescue, to speak words of truth that you are loved, you are worth protecting and you are safe.  Why is that so significant? I didn’t know either until I discovered the significance of knowing it myself.

In 2011 I began a journey into my heart.  A battle.  A process of uncovering the depths of my heart and a growing awareness of God’s incredible love for me.  It’s called the Battle for Your Heart and it has been a 4 year process of uncovering the lies I’ve believed and replacing it with the truth of who God says I am.  In that process I’ve seen the framework of 4 Spiritual Realities:

  1. There is a Larger Story
  2. You have a part to play that is yours and yours alone.  If you don’t find a way, no one will.
  3. Evil is hunting you
  4. There is a Fellowship that desires to protect & propel you into your part

As I have discovered my own deep desires of being loved, protected and safe I can see more clearly why I am motivated to do the same for others.  These have been the cries of my own heart, but I am fortunate to come from a family that provided these in so many ways.  I see how God has crafted my life, my marriage, my family to be a piece of his redeeming love for the children he brings into our lives.

In the four years of battling for my own heart I have seen how to fight for the hearts of others – to bring freedom.  As fear has been unraveled in my life so has my carefully constructed protection of control.  And as control was released I began to see how God was inviting me in to so much more than I could imagine.  My part in his larger love story.  A story that has pursued my heart and pursued the hearts of three little girls that he longs to see know the depths of his love for them.

I am in awe, every day, as I consider the story God has written for me and the way he has moved to position us for this moment.  I can’t help but hope for the happy ending because I can’t imagine it being anything less.  I am fully aware that we are embarking on a path filled with resistance.  But I also know that I have a fellowship, a community that loves me well, supports us and propels us into this story.  You make me brave.

So now we dream.  We dream of the territory God is calling us into.  We dream of the days that we aren’t battling the uncertainty of not knowing where they belong.  We dream in a forever kind of way.

As we wait, as we pray, we remember God’s promise and in his promise there is provision.  He will not leave or forsake us.  We will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.  And what dreams may come, he will be faithful – not just to us, but to these girls.  Whether the dream fulfilled looks as we hope or not, he is faithful. Dream with me friend.

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