Whew! It feels like I’ve been holding my breath for the past year… and all of a sudden I can feel air again.
What.a.year. I took some time recently and looked back over many of my posts and felt the tears well up in my eyes. Some tears were remembering the tension, the heartbreak, the disappointment and the pain that has surfaced in our story, but mostly my tears are of thanksgiving for God’s faithfulness, goodness and grace in our lives.
God is so good. I cannot say it enough. I’m not sure I’ve stopped smiling since that day.
Wait, I have… that one time that Annabelle tee-teed in her panties in Barnes & Noble and we walked all the way through the store with feet squishing as she told everyone “I peed in my Crocs!”…. but then again, I started laughing because this is forever my little girl.
We are two weeks post adoption and there have been moments where I remind myself, we fought hard for this life. Sometimes I get so frustrated when things don’t go my way, when fits are pitched, when I can’t control little people or how much noise they make… and I have to remember… this is everything I asked for. #savor
Other times I sit in awe of God’s plan. I am humbled by the part I get to play in it. I have been reflecting lately on the story in 1 Kings 17 of Elijah and the widow. You’ll have to read it, but to keep it simple, Elijah predicted a drought, God told him to go live by the brook and the ravens brought him food. After a while, the brook dried up. Then…
God spoke to him: Get up and go to Zarephath in Sidon and live there. I’ve instructed a woman who lives there, a widow, to feed you.”
So Elijah does as he is told. He met the widow at the entrance of the village and asked her to bring him some water and while she’s at it, something to eat. (I’m certain he asked politely.)
The widow responds that she barely has a thing. As a matter of fact, she is gathering the last drop of oil and flour to make a final meal for her and her son to eat before they die. Elijah brings out the big guns in verse 13:
Elijah said to her, “Don’t worry about a thing. Go ahead and do what you’ve said. But first make a small biscuit for me and bring it back here. Then go ahead and make a meal from what’s left for you and your son. This is the word of God of Israel: ‘The jar of flour will not run out and the bottle of oil will not become empty before God sends rain on the land and ends this drought.'”
And she went right off and did it, did just as Elijah asked. And it turned out as he said – daily food for her and her family. The jar of meal didn’t run out and the bottle of oil didn’t become empty; God’s promise fulfilled to the letter, exactly as Elijah had delivered it! 1Kings 17:13-16 (MSG)
The thing that is so striking to me about this story is her obedience. She went right off and did it, just as Elijah asked. Oh ye woman of faith! I would have had to talk to him just a little bit more before I “went off and did as he asked”. Seriously, a lot more. And prayed about it. And consulted with my mom and sister. Then checked on Facebook to see if this guy is legit. You know, all my due diligence.
As I read this story recently I realized that this woman was not just God’s way of providing for Elijah… he saw her need too… and his provision came as a result of her obedience. They each had a need. God’s provision was made to and through the other.
Friends, when God calls you to do something, he provides. You can’t out-give God.
I cannot tell you how many times over the past 2 years I have fretted, wondering how God would provide, or move in situations. There were times that I finally had to shut-up and realize that a lot of what I was praying against in the timing was a means of God’s provision for us. I am a slow learner, so take it from me, if God is calling you to step-in to something bigger than you can imagine, and lives are at stake, He very well has a plan.
I do not believe I was God’s first choice for my girls. Honestly, I don’t. I truly believe that God’s plan was to be with their family. That’s hard to swallow. I also realize that there is an enemy that seeks to steal, kill and destroy and families are what he is after.
The events that led to a need for my girls to have a safe home were not small. My heart breaks for both what they have experienced and also for the loss that their birth family now knows. My own celebration of God’s gift in my life is not untouched by the pain of others’ loss. I do not hold that lightly.
But God, in his goodness, allows me to be a part of his provision; and in my sometimes-slow-to-respond obedience, I am seeing his faithfulness to me and my family.
And this story…. it just got real.
*photo credit to LittleMissCreative