Category: Uncategorized

I am convinced that any parent(s) who survive raising twins should receive something like a PhD in life.  I can’t say I’ve earned it yet but I feel like the experience I’m getting should qualify for something extraordinary.

The bottom line is, I have become the queen of negotiating.  Pretty soon, I will have the confidence to talk down a hostage situation, or someone on the ledge… as long as I can get in touch with what really drives them.

Daniel and I are children of a spanking generation.  I’m not saying that was good or bad but we’re pretty pleased with how we turned out.  When you’re parenting children from hard places, that aren’t your own and that have experienced trauma in their life – spanking isn’t the best way to motivate.

Our very dear friend who happens to be an elementary school counselor explained to me one night that we have to have a currency.  I have been frustrated at times because it seems that all of my best intentions have failed, they just don’t listen and obey.  But JA explained that we have to find the currency that motivates them.

Well friends… here is what I have found.  The motivating factors for 2 little 4 yr olds are:  1. candy  2. Peppa Pig   3. Vacation   4. McDonalds

This is how things go down in our house:
Me – I have already told you to stop doing that. If I have to say it again, I’m going to eat a piece of your Halloween candy.
Twin – but mommy, you don’t like chocolate
Me – I know.  This hurts me more than it hurts you.

Score one for the parental team.  I have faithfully consumed a bucket of Halloween candy against my will.

Mommy’s currency is, 1. Peace  2. Quiet  3. Sleep.  If anyone can promise and deliver on these three things, I will give them whatever they want.

Last night for example, they were too excited to go to bed. I was too tired to fight any more battles.  On my 3rd trip to their room, I threw out all the stops.  If you cry again, we will never watch Peppa Pig again… ever… no more Peppa.   And if I hear one more sound from this room… I’m canceling vacation and eating all your candy.  Mommy is sleepy. Please let me go! 

Dear girls, I am sorry for all the things I say when I am tired. I do love you very much.  I love you more when you are sleeping. 🙂

So, we didn’t cancel vacation.  We’re headed out for a week of little adventures kicking it off with the girls’ first Auburn game.  At 3:20 am a little voice called me from her room.  I went in to see what she needs. “I just wanted to give you a hug and a kiss mommy.  Is it wake up time yet?  Is it vacation day?”  No dear, it is not wake up time. I will come get you when it is.    30 minutes later…  “Mommy, is it wake up time yet?”

This is just too exciting!  I know you aren’t supposed to share on social media if you’re going out of town or anything.  I’m going to trust that none of you will break into our home while we’re away.  Just in case you are considering it… be warned:
1. We have an alarm system
2. The house is booby-trapped.  Think Home Alone and a war on mice.
3. We live in a retirement community with very nosy neighbors.  Our homeowner’s association will fine you faster than the police will get here. Park on the grass…I double dare you.
4.  The only thing you will find in our home is a sea of pink toys. It’s seriously not worth your time.
5.  There are germs. For real.

Earlier this week I got the dreaded call from daycare.  “Abby, this is Beth, did you know that hand-foot-and-mouth is going around Baby Girl’s class again?  She has a couple of bumps, I think you might need to come get her.”  This is not possible.  We have Jesus. We use oils. We haven’t been around any cows.

Speaking of cows… I may have the only girls in the world that will be disappointed one day when they meet a cow and it doesn’t actually say “eat more chicken” to their face.  I’ve almost convinced them that’s what cows say.

And about Jesus. I’m not saying anyone that has had hand-foot-and-mouth doesn’t have Jesus… I’m just saying that there are a few things I am specifically trusting him for, and this is one of them.  And the oils… they better work.

Good news, I think we dodged a bullet.  Baby girl is good for now.  Put a little oil on those bumps and they were gone in no-time.  I’m not saying she did or didn’t have it… there’s no proof one way or the other.  Thank you Jesus for saving us.

Oh and lastly, while I’m sharing about germs and adventures in parenting.  Have you ever been to chick-fil-a when things go wrong in the kiddy-play?  We’re averaging about 3 for 4 with the “somebody peed in the slide” moments now.  Fortunately, at this point we haven’t been the “one” but we’ve seen it enough to know the drill.  There’s pretty much a hazmat team that comes in with masks and stuff, shuts down the playground and carefully removes all evidence and aftermath of the accident.  But just in case the sign on the door and the hazmat team aren’t enough notice… my girls will always be there to alert any new person walking in, or any child attempting to make their way into playland.  “Somebody PEED on the Slide!”  announcements are made over-and-over-and-over again.  It’s almost more embarrassing than actually doing it.  (By the way, there’s no shame… mommy, it is not your fault… keep your head up… it could happen to any of us.)

Ok. Time to wrap things up.  I just wanted to share some of our lighter moments with you – so you would know our life isn’t all battles and tears.  We’re loving almost every minute of it.

As we move into the week of Thanksgiving, I can’t help but remember this time last year, preparing our hearts for the girls to leave us before Christmas.  My how things have changed, and how quickly they did.  Even though our waiting seems long and our hearts are ready for finalization, I’m learning to live each day and trust God for the timing.  Thank you friends for your love, support and prayers.  We hope that our story gives you hope, courage and a glimpse of God…and if nothing else, something to laugh at every now and then.

Much love to you all!

 

Warning – this feels raw, but it’s still real.  No children were harmed.  Adults have recovered. Love wins. and stories are used with permission.

“She’s gone.  I don’t know where she is but she’s gone.”  I remember this late night phone-call and the pain that accompanied it.  My oldest niece walked through a challenging season years ago that broke our hearts.  This phone-call from my sister came as I was in bed one evening.  I was stunned and could not find words that could bring any comfort or hope.  All I remember thinking is, this must be what God feels like when we turn our backs on him.

In my years of childlessness I was always aware that there was a part of the father-heart of God that I wouldn’t experience apart from having children. [I was ok with that.]  In the moment of that phone-call I knew my sister was probably experiencing the deepest pain of her life.  Everything within me wanted to fix that pain, solve the problem, find my niece – but all we could do was hope that the seeds that had been sown in her life would bear good fruit.

Then, as I stared at the ceiling above my bed, lying next to my husband I said, “I am never having children.”

Why would anyone choose to expose their heart to that potential pain? Children have to be one of the the greatest vulnerabilities of your life.

Now, sitting here about 3 years later I can see God’s faithfulness to my sister, my niece and our family.  She bears good fruit.

And me?  I’m one year into a harvest that wasn’t mine to bear but I’m believing that as I walk in obedience, love deeply and fight fiercely, the seeds I’m sowing will bloom into beautiful things, one day.

Last week was not that day.

As I was preparing to leave for a 4-day work trip I was blissfully aware that all my ducks were in a row and I would get to spend my last evening enjoying my beautiful little family.  Then, my little dream began falling apart.

We picked up the little girls from daycare, went to our favorite chiropractor for a visit, ate our frosted animal cookies then lost our shit. [sorry, not sorry.]

There is something that is triggered in a twin that has to do with me and any perceived weakness, sickness or lack of normal.  It is truly heartbreaking.  Most of the time I don’t see it coming until it hits me in the face.  Literally, I was slapped in the face.  In the midst of one of the most epic meltdowns I have ever experienced, she walked up to me in a trance-like state, eyes glazed over and slapped me straight across the face.

I was devastated. I was humiliated. I was hurt.  I was sad. I felt hopeless. I felt unappreciated. I was angry, embarrassed, frustrated, broken and undone.

Riding in the car home with tears streaming down my face… wondering… Is life always going to be like this?  Will we always be walking on ice so thin that I’m constantly trying to predict and prevent the cracks?  Will we ever be normal?  Clearly I have failed.  But don’t they know that I have given up pretty much my whole life for them? And this? This is how they thank me?

Then I heard Jesus whisper, welcome to my world.

Humbling. In the midst of my pain I was humbled as I thought of all that Christ endured on my behalf.  The cross. The pain. His life laid down.  All of these feel like a slap in the face when in my own sin, in my own self-protection, I turn my back and do what I want instead of trusting his plan.

I wish I could say that humbling moment and recognition removed my own pain, but it didn’t.  I struggled for a couple of days and even now struggle with understanding the pain it touched in me.  I struggle with the lies of not being enough, not having hope, not wanting to fight any more… I struggle with the battle of it all.

There are many people in the past week that have come along side me, covered my pain, spoken words of truth and reminded me of the part God has invited me to play.  I am humbled by your love. Thank you Lord for a husband that fights for my heart, holds me when I cry and reminds me that they love me too… even when I don’t believe it.  And God has been faithful to meet me in the hard places and remind me of his love.  My heart has shifted to sing, show me how to love as you have loved me.

I returned from my trip exhausted but ready to re-engage.  The girls don’t even remember what went down last week.  When I tried to talk to them about it, they just say, “we had a really bad day.”  [no kidding]  They don’t realize the interaction sent me to one of the darkest places I’ve been in the past year. But in that place, I found Jesus.

They say that the place of deepest pain can be the place of greatest potential for transformation.

I was able to get in touch with the deep desires I have to love and protect these girls, to have an impact in their lives, to see them become the women God has created them to be.  It gives me the courage to keep pressing in and offering grace. Grace, grace, grace.

This morning when a twin stripped down out of the clothes I had picked out for her, searched through the drawers to find her own magical combination then pranced happily into the bathroom, she confidently said,  “mommy, even when I don’t listen, you still love me.”            [grace]

I guess I might be doing something right.

I love a good look-back.  Can you believe it has been 10 months since this “yes” turned my life upside down?

Here’s a quick look at what the past 10 months have looked like as 3 little girls raised this “momma”.

We have seen a total of 1 movie in the theaters in the past 10 months.  Well, two if you count the one where we took twin 3 year olds and had to go to the bathroom 3 times, each, and finally just decided to leave since the sprite was making them run literal circles in the hallway.  I learned that lesson fast.

We’ve learned how to walk, how to ride bikes, how to swim and how to sing… all these things are cause for celebration.  Some of the bigger people have learned how to cook, how to change diapers, how to bathe a baby and how to smile while walking through the door to daycare with a kicking, screaming child who barely has clothes on.  We’re all learning.

I’m one of those moms, the one that says no to sodas, cakes and sweets except in controlled environment, carefully monitored, almost like a rat in a test-lab.   I repent to all parents whose kids I have previously given sodas, cookies and candies countless times.  Specifically the first two Fripp kids and all the Sumlars.  I am sorry.  Please do not repay my sins.

For 9 of our 10 months we had major bedtime battles.  Breakthrough came in the ninth hour and now we sing songs of joy.  Bananas are like magic.  They help little people sleep through the night.  This is one of the valuable things I found on pinterest. Yes, I said it, there is something good that can come from pinterest.  Since all you have to do is peel it, it’s pretty easy to make this one happen just like the picture.

Amazon Prime, Zulilly, Pizza, JinJin98 and anything else that can deliver – these are my best friends.  If I need something and can have it show up at my door with the click of a mouse, please give me more.

When we realized that 2 girls would soon be 3 we had to buy a new car.  How many toddlers do you know that have their own car?  That’s how we do it around here.  The girls have one car equipped with 3 carseats… whoever has the girls has the car.   And as Sissy said, “our car has a TV in it, because that’s just the way God made it.”  yes, dear, God was definitely behind that idea. 😉

I know the movies Frozen and Tangled by heart.  I thank God for the Despicable Me movies that came around and saved me from the others.

We have a two-hour maximum time for road trips.  When it’s time to go to Texas, I estimate it will take us 6 days and 45 bathroom breaks.  Fortunately, Nanna & PaPa’s houses fall within our 2 hour limit.  I swear these girls can say “mommy” at least 1,000 times in 2 hours.

Last week, I got stuck on a plane that couldn’t leave, and the row nearby had a sweet little girl that got sick all over herself, her sister, her seat and the floor.  I am convinced the past 10 months helped prepare me for this very moment where all I wanted to do was scream and run.  But I held it together, for the most part.  After the sick little girl stood in the aisle with her little germy hand on my arm-rest I went digging in my purse for a sanitizing wipe – which I had just taken out that morning because why would I need one? I was leaving my kids at home. – lesson learned.  After taking a deep breath, annointing myself with oils and praying for grace for me and that poor mother with two girls, the heavens opened up and they let me off that plane.  Oh heavens, thank you.

Remember when this little girl was my only princess?

Poor little Tini.  Her life has changed more than mine. As I pulled macaroni out of her fur three days after the night we had macaroni, I thanked her for not leaving me.  She may look sad when you see her, but trust me… she is the number one benefactor of a baby girl’s food that is thrown on the floor at every meal.

And last but not least, look at these two babies…

This week we wrap up year 11 and look forward to what the next ones hold.  If you had told me on this day what year 11 would look like I would never have believed you.  We went from zero to three kids in the blink of an eye.  God has a sneaky way of surprising us.  We’ll take some time to celebrate, just the two of us, and remember how easy life was 10 months and 2 weeks ago 😉  Then we’ll jump back in to this craziness we call life… loving almost every minute of it.

Since you’ve stuck around this long…. I guess I should tell you…. after 10 weeks of waiting we finally got the word we were praying for.   We have just moved one giant leap forward towards forever.   Nothing is certain yet so please continue praying for protection, favor and God’s purposes to be worked out.  We are grateful for your willingness to walk with us.

Much Love!

Yep.  We do it every day.  Well, every weekday.

On our way to daycare each morning we pray for our day.  Also on our way to daycare we pass McDonald’s.  So every day when it’s time to pray, without fail I hear from the way back seat, “don’t forget to pray for Mitchdonald’s!”  So that is what I do.  I hope those people know they are covered in prayer!

We pray a lot around here.  Every bump, bruise and stuffed animal is covered in prayer.  And bigger things, like do we say yes to a new child?  Some days I have crazy ideas, like, let’s move to a bigger house so we can say yes when they call.  Fortunately, we take things to the Lord in prayer before we make major decisions.

Last week when I had that wild hair to make a move, I spent some time asking God, what are you looking for from us?  What does it look like to stay in a place of “yes” when we want to do more but we are limited by many things.  We’ve bought land and hope to build a bigger home, but these things take time… and money.  Our heart is to allow sibling groups to stay together, but our current place doesn’t give us any room to do such things.

I’ve moved beds, rearranged rooms, thought and thought about ways to make our little space bigger… and it just isn’t happening.  But we got a call that same day to take in a child, 12 yrs old who does not hear.  They asked if I know sign language, I said no, but I know someone who does!  So we said yes to an emergency placement that should last 1-2 days.  Five days later, our hearts hurt as we said goodbye and she was placed in a new home.  In the midst of the chaos I see God’s grace towards me.

I realized in these five days that God was graciously answering my question… what are you asking of me?  What he is asking is for us to love these 3 girls with everything we have, being sensitive to the needs around us but focused on this mission…. love well.   I realized when I briefly had a teenager that this is beyond my current capacity… there’s no summer daycare, there’s not much to keep her busy, there’s a limit to what I can do and how we can stretch during this season.  I’m not trying to make excuses, I’m trying to accept our reality.  I asked and God said, just wait.

Sometimes, even when we have the best intentions and our heart is all the way behind it, God still says wait.  Consider what other ways you can support, but for this season be sensitive to what God has called you to.  Friends, I cannot adequately convey the huge need that surrounds us related to orphan care.  There are countless things that can be done, just ask God what He wants from you.  If you are faithful to ask, he is faithful to answer.

Want to know some practical things?  Have a heart for orphans but don’t know where to jump in?  Support those that are in the trenches.  See how you can bless your local department of case-workers or DCF workers.  They are neck-deep in drama every day.   Set up meals for foster families, I assure you they can use the help.  Coffee.  We all live on coffee.  Lots and lots of coffee.   Gift cards for fun activities, restaurants or special treats.   Summer is here and lots of foster parents have full houses and kids that are bored.  Date nights – offer to babysit for a local family – there aren’t a lot of people volunteering to do that.  One time, my mom came over and cleaned my kitchen.  Do you know what a huge blessing that was for me?!?  There are a lot of practical things that can be tremendously helpful.  Just pray, see what ideas God gives you.

And… while you’re praying… don’t forget to pray for McDonald’s!

What load are you carrying today?  How heavy is it?  I imagine mine as a large bag, filled with an assortment of things, weighing me down.  It’s probably from ThirtyOne and has my monogram on the front because even my crap has to be cute.

Then I come to the feet of the One who has the strength to handle my burdens, the One who invites me to cast these cares on Him; He will sustain me.  I picture myself placing this pretty bag at his feet, opening it up and saying, do you see this?  Do you remember this?   The babies, the horses, the brothers & sisters, my girls, my friend, the ministry, our neighbors, the orphans, all these things, Jesus they are heavy on my heart.

I have to ask myself – how much am I carrying because it’s mine to carry?  Or how much am I supposed to be carrying to the feet of the One who is built for my cares?

God is our refuge and strength, an ever present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall in to the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam and the mountains quake with their surging.
….
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 46: 1-2, 10

His invitation is rest.  He invites us to cast our cares upon him, to know that He is God.  Even though the earth gives way and the mountains fall in to the sea, know that I am God.

Sometimes stillness is a scary place.  It’s in the stillness of the night that fear can creep in.  It’s in the stillness of the day that I wonder if I have done enough.  It’s in the stillness that I am tempted to question, God are you still there?  I think that’s why He says Be still, and know that I am God.

Be still and remember my faithfulness.  Be still and speak my truth.  Be still and claim my promises. When in the stillness the enemy lurks… remember that I am God.

Your love surrounds me when my thoughts wage war; when night screams terror there your voice will roar.   –  from Prince of Peace – by Hillsong

In moments of worry, I get to speak straight to my own heart.  Be still my heart.  I know He’s God.

We don’t have control over seasons of waiting, but we do have control over our stillness.  Stillness can be a beautiful place if we allow it.

As we approach Mother’s Day, this can be a beautifully painful place.  I never dreamed of being a mom; but now I find myself praying during the stillness that God would let me keep her –  these precious little ones He has shared with us.  My hope can barely touch the pain of those that have longed for years to be called mom.  Friend, I see you.  I cannot imagine the depths of your pain.  Please know, even as I hope that next year’s Mother’s Day is celebrated with these same little ones that currently fill my home, I pray that God fills your arms with your heart’s desire.

As we wait for dreams fulfilled and hope to come, remember the words of the Father to Be Still.  Even when it feels as though our world is falling apart, He is our safe place.  In the stillness… He is there.

Oh, these girls.  They make us laugh, endlessly.  Brittany put it perfectly the other day:  Having a toddler is like having your own personal comedian.  We are fortunate enough to have two and a half.  It’s not all fun and games, but I thought I’d take a minute to give you a glimpse into our romantic comedy of life.

We’ve had a bit of trouble at daycare the past month or two.  The twins have asserted themselves and decided to take a stand against naptime.  These girls do not like to sleep.  We strategized with the teacher and administrator… nothing was working.  Pep talks and prayer on the way to school every morning… reminding them that even if you don’t go to sleep you need to stay on your cot quietly so all your friends can sleep.  “Yes Ma’am”.  Great, we’re in agreement.

Their teacher sends a note home every day letting me know if we succeeded or failed. Try again tomorrow.  But one day… the teacher told me that Little Miss Prissy said

“My mom didn’t pray for me to take a nap, so I don’t have to.”      –  fail

And another day, after I had highlighted the importance of staying on the cot –  you don’t have to sleep but you have to stay quiet, and you’ll get a treat.     So, how did that translate?

“My mom said I don’t have to sleep and I still get candy!”    –  fail again

After about 3 weeks we knew we weren’t getting anywhere.  Our strategy had to change. We met again and discussed the possibility of splitting them up.  Yep, I said it.  We will not be overcome by a pair of 3 year olds.  Divide and conquer.   We’re seeing small victories.

We are really trying to help the girls learn to regulate their emotions, make good choices, listen and obey, etc.  These can be very challenging for kids coming from hard places, so there’s a whole training on how to manage some of this.  But something we do is reward positive behavior and good choices and at all costs seek to avoid shaming bad choices or behavior.  Honey, this can be hard.  Our culture shames.  So part of our strategy is that when we pick the girls up, we assess how they did that day, and on good days we go do something fun – like the park, playground, icecream, etc.

One particular day, things did not go so well.  When we walked in to daycare it looked as though the teachers had been in a battle.  I recognize that look… I look that way every Sunday night.     We get the girls loaded in the mom-tank and start heading home.

“Are we going to the park?”  –  twin
“No ma’am”  –  dad
“Girls, when you listen and obey, we get to do fun things.” – dad
“And when we don’t obey, we have to eat at home!”   –  twin

Ha!  Yes, that is how they see life.  If they obey, we get to have fun.  If they don’t obey, punishment looks like eating whatever mom was able to cook today.   We are all punished!

And that little baby girl… she’s not too far behind the twins.  Every morning when we have successfully gotten dressed, teeth brushed and hair fixed, we reward with a jelly bean or marshmallow.   “who wants a treat?!”   Screams of “ME!” come running through the house.   It didn’t take baby girl long to figure this out.  Now, as soon as her teeth are brushed she steps down from the stool and starts running through the house screaming “ME!”   – even when we aren’t ready.   She thinks  “ME!” means treats and she throws it out there all the time.   Sweet girl.  This morning, she saw the marshmallow that Sissy had placed on the table, reached just far enough to sneak it off and ate it… then said ME!   Yes child, you stole your sister’s treat but are cute enough to get away with it.  Well played.

And of course, later this morning the twins’ teacher pulled me aside to tell me that yesterday when Prissy got really mad at her she said “My mom will cut you!”

I was stunned in a moment of shock, funniness, embarrassment and laughter not knowing exactly what the appropriate reaction should be but realizing that laughing probably was not it.  I am not a violent person, maybe a little sarcastic, but not really violent.  I apologized to the teacher and asked her to tell Prissy that is not how we handle things if she says it again.  Dear Lord.  What are we doing?!?

On one hand I’m glad she has the confidence that mom is going to get the job done.  On the other hand, I’m a little concerned with how she thinks I’ll take care of things. At the same time I can’t let her know that it was really funny. And I can’t help but question if I have ever said that in front of her.   I’m just gonna believe it came from Dora.  I’m pretty sure I heard Dora the Explorer say that one time.

Last week…

“Mom!  Sissy hit me!”-  Prissy   (Sissy is crying loudly in the other room)
“She did?  Then why is she the one crying?”  –  Me
“Well, I punched her in the face.”  –  Prissy

I guess that makes sense.  Everybody goes into safety break so mommy can take a moment to laugh, again.

Life is exhausting. Some days I can’t even see straight.  But we laugh, a lot.  If you’re ever interested in participating in some of our madness, just stop by, we’re happy to share.  Although, you can’t get the full experience unless you have them for about 2-3 hours and we aren’t around.  Let me know when you’re ready 😉